Your journey
Your child's journey
Phase 1
Before you leave
The decision has been made. The logistics have taken over. Pause here.
Have I let myself actually grieve what I am leaving behind? Friendships, routines, a version of myself?
Do I feel like I had a say in this move, or did it happen to me?
What am I secretly terrified about that I have not said out loud yet?
Have I told the people I love here what they mean to me?
Am I moving toward something or away from something? Both are valid. But worth knowing.
Does my child understand why we are moving, in words that make sense to them?
Have I given them space to be angry, sad, or scared without rushing to reassure?
Have we said proper goodbyes to friends, teachers, and favourite places?
Is my child carrying any guilt about the move, feeling responsible for the family's stress?
Phase 2
Moving week and first arrival
Everything is chaos. Your nervous system knows it. Your brain is in survival mode and so is theirs.
Am I giving myself permission to feel completely unmoored right now?
Am I eating, sleeping, moving my body even minimally?
Am I performing "I'm fine" for everyone else while privately falling apart?
Have I found even one small thing that feels like me in this new place?
Does my child have their comfort objects, familiar routines, and small rituals intact? Routines and rituals really matter to children of all ages.
Is my child acting out, withdrawing, or regressing? This is grief, not bad behaviour.
Have I carved out one on one time even in the chaos?
Phase 3
When the honeymoon wears off
Months 2 to 6. The novelty fades. Reality lands. Maybe culture shock hits. Nobody warns you about this part.
Have I hit the "what have we done" wall yet? You will. It is normal. Your brain is recalibrating.
Do I have even one person I can be honest with about how hard this is? I didn't. For a long time.
Am I finding any meaning in small daily moments or does everything feel pointless right now?
Have I started building any kind of anchor routine that is just mine?
Is my child talking about the old place constantly? This is healthy. Let them.
Has my child found even one potential connection in the new environment?
Am I watching for deeper signs? Sleep disruption, physical complaints, not wanting to go to school?
Phase 4
The long middle
Months 6 to 24. You're starting to feel a little settled, but not fully. This is the hardest phase to name.
Do I have a sense of community here, even a fragile one?
Have I found something that is just for me, not for the family, not for the move?
Am I building an identity here or just waiting to leave?
Have I processed the cumulative weight of all the moves, not just this one?
Am I carrying resentment? Toward my partner, the move, the life? Worth sitting with honestly. Later, I realised this was building in me for years.
Does my child feel like they belong somewhere here, even partially?
Has my child developed their own story about being a moving family, with pride or with shame?
Have I checked in on their friendships, not just their schoolwork?
Phase 5
When the next move looms
When you know it's coming, but it hasn't been discussed yet.
Have I let myself actually attach to this place, knowing we will leave again?
Am I pre-grieving the departure before I have finished arriving?
What have I learned about myself from this particular move?
What do I want to do differently next time?
Does my child have language for what this cycle of leaving and arriving feels like?
Are we talking about the next move as a family, with space for everyone's feelings about it?
What has my child gained from this place that they will carry forward?
This is a map, not a task list. There are no right answers and nothing to complete. Sit with whatever comes up. Your journal is a good place to start.
You do not have to navigate this alone
If any of these questions stopped you in your tracks, come and process them with a community of mothers who truly get this life.
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