Your journey
Your child's journey
Phase 1
Before you leave
It's confirmed. You know you're moving. Your mind is already somewhere else.
Have I let myself actually grieve what I am leaving behind? Friendships, routines, a version of myself?
Do I feel like I had a say in this move, or did it happen to me?
Am I already fading into the background while everyone else's needs take over?
What am I secretly terrified about that I haven't said out loud yet?
Am I moving toward something, away from something, or do I feel in limbo?
Does my partner know how I am really feeling about this move, or are we just getting on with it?
Does my child understand why we are moving, in words that make sense to them?
Have I given them space to be angry, sad, or scared without rushing to reassure?
Have we said proper goodbyes to friends, teachers, and favourite places?
Is my child carrying any guilt about the move, feeling responsible for the family's stress?
Phase 2
In between
The container drives away. You exhale. You're floating between one life and the next.
Did I actually exhale when the container drove away, or am I still holding my breath?
Am I allowing myself to enjoy this pause between lives or am I already in the next phase in my head?
Now that we have arrived, am I so focused on my children that I'm ignoring how I am actually feeling?
Am I their safe person right now, the one they cling to and lash out at? And who is my safe person?
Are my partner and I connecting through this transition or are we just managing logistics together?
Does my child have their comfort objects, familiar routines, and small rituals intact? Routines and rituals really matter to children of all ages.
Is my child acting out, withdrawing, or regressing? This is grief, not bad behaviour.
Have I carved out one on one time even in the chaos?
Now that we have arrived, is my child showing excitement or are they shutting down?
Phase 3
The honeymoon wears off
The novelty fades. Reality lands. Maybe culture shock hits.
Have I hit the "what have we done" wall yet? You will. It's normal. Your brain is recalibrating.
Do I have even one person I can be honest with about how hard this is? I didn't. For a long time.
Am I finding any meaning in small daily moments or does everything feel disconnected right now?
Have I started building any kind of anchor routine that is just mine?
Am I performing "I'm fine" for everyone else while falling apart on the inside?
Does my partner have any idea how hard this phase is for me?
Am I expecting my partner to read my mind instead of telling them what I need?
Is my child talking about the old place constantly? This is healthy. Let them.
Has my child found even one potential connection in the new environment?
Am I watching for deeper signs? Sleep disruption, physical complaints, not wanting to go to school?
Has my child started school yet and how are they really doing, not just on the surface?
Phase 4
The long middle
You're starting to feel a little settled, but not fully. This is the hardest phase to name.
Do I have a sense of community here yet?
Have I found something that is just for me, not for the family, not for the move?
Am I starting to make meaningful connections or just waiting to leave?
Who am I in this place? Because with every move the roles shift.
Have I processed the cumulative weight of all the moves, not just this one?
Am I carrying resentment? Toward my partner, the move, the life? Worth sitting with honestly. Later, I realised this was building in me for years.
How do I really feel about visitors? Am I making my needs clear or just going along with what everyone else wants?
Are my partner and I growing together in this place or growing apart?
Does my partner see the emotional load I am carrying or is it invisible to them?
Does my child feel like they belong somewhere here, even partially?
Has my child developed their own story about being a moving family, with pride or with shame?
Have I checked in on their friendships, not just their schoolwork?
How has my child's stage of development and their needs changed during this move compared to the last?
Phase 5
Settled
This phase sneaks up on you. You've done the work. You've found your people.
Have I actually noticed that I feel settled?
Have I let myself attach to this place knowing we will probably leave again?
Am I quietly dreading the next move even while enjoying this one?
Have I found my people here? And what does it feel like to know I will have to leave them?
Do my partner and I actually enjoy this life together or are we just parallel parenting in a foreign country?
Does my child feel genuinely settled, with real friends and a real life here?
Am I already feeling guilty about what the next move will take from them?
Have I talked to my children about the possibility of moving again or am I protecting them from it?
Phase 6
You know
When you know it's coming, but it hasn't been discussed yet.
Am I aware of the signs that a move is coming even before it is confirmed?
Am I able to talk about it or is it sitting silently between me and my partner?
Can I plan, grieve, or even properly think about it yet or is it just keeping me awake at night?
What countries am I hoping for and which ones am I dreading?
What does a move right now mean for me, not just for the family?
Am I included in the conversations about the next move or is it happening around me?
Have my partner and I talked about what we each need from the next move?
Are my children aware that something might be coming or are they completely unaware?
Am I already thinking about what this next move will mean for each of my children emotionally, socially and academically?
Is my heart already breaking a little for them, even before anything is confirmed?
The Engine
Your body is always ready to go again. You never fully park. You go through every single phase, you land, you settle, life finds its rhythm, but you never quite turn that engine off. Whether you'd call it anxiety or excitement or somewhere in between, it's just your body knowing that this isn't the last stop. And the more you move, the more aware of it you become. Always half ready. Engine running.
Are you aware that your engine is always running?
Is there someone in your life who knows?
This is a map, not a task list. There are no right answers and nothing to complete. Sit with whatever comes up. Your journal is a good place to start.
You do not have to navigate this alone
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